How can I have more friends? Asking for a friend.

I love a good party. In the past, we have celebrated birthdays, had bonfire nights and Sunday night dinners. We’ve had Stranger Things viewing events, and once, I even had a backyard concert where two friends got engaged at the end of the night.

I don’t throw get-togethers simply because they’re fun, though it is a serious motivator. My love for serving others through hospitality grew out of a season of loneliness. As a new church member, I struggled to form deep relationships with other women several years ago. I waited for others to start conversations with me and to invite me to coffee. When it didn’t happen, it caused me to feel sorry for myself and resent others.

For several months, I became depressed by the lack of friendships in my life. I threw myself the worst kind of party: a pity party. I would cry out to the Lord to help me as I dealt with intense feelings of jealousy, anger, sadness, and fear.

The friendship we long for. 

During this time, the Lord revealed two things.

First, God showed me that friendship is a broken cistern that can never meet my need for intimacy (Jer.2:13). Good company can bring joy and comfort but cannot give you all that you need. It will at some point fail to deliver. The friendship of God is a fountain of living water that won’t run dry (John 7:38).

Jesus is the fountain of living water. (John 4:13-15) Only he can meet my need for companionship. That doesn’t mean that relationships don’t matter. God created us to be in relationships (Genesis 2:18), but when our need for it controls us, we turn God’s good gift into an idol (Luke 12:34). Jesus is the perfect friend that we need.

Second, God exposed the selfishness of my heart. My concern with my needs drowned out the needs of others (Phil. 2:3-4). Further, my self-centeredness didn’t allow me to see that a small group of women was drawing near to me. These friends faithfully loved and sought me and taught me to pursue relationships with women to serve and love them.

Friendship in a post-Covid-19 world.

This year, Covid-19 has limited our ability to open up our home to our friends and family. I have mourned this loss. This time has exposed our intrinsic need for community. We have felt the grips of loneliness as days in social isolation turned into weeks and then months. Yet, for those who know Christ, we know that we are not alone. He has promised to be with us always (Matthew 28:20). No pandemic keeps God from being with us.

We don’t know how this season of isolation will impact our neighbors, friends, and family. The day will come when we will be able to gather in our homes again. When that time comes, will we open our homes to the hurting and the lonely? Will we look for ways to be a friend to someone who needs one?

Open wide your heart and be a friend during the pandemic. Call those who you haven’t seen in a while. When you can’t have a party in your home, have a zoom one instead.

When the time comes, I encourage you to open wide the doors of your home and welcome those in need of a friend. Could you give them a place to belong to? As we attempt to do this, we seek to introduce others to the perfect friend we are all looking for.