I think most of us can agree that the last year and a half has collectively been one of the most challenging seasons we have experienced. We’ve endured a pandemic that has taken away loved ones, stripped us of precious time with extended family, and moved us to isolation, where many of us have struggled with depression, anger, or sadness. While I rejoice that we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of this pandemic season, I am keenly aware that other losses were not necessarily caused by the pandemic. Many are experiencing a myriad of losses and dealing with the grief of it all. We have friends going through the loss of health due to cancer, the loss of a child, the loss of a treasured relationship, brokenness in marriage, lack of friendships, and mental health issues.
When so many in our spheres are hurting, it can feel overwhelming to know what can help. We may be tempted to rush to provide answers or words of comfort. We may be tempted to run away in fear of our hurting friends. Below I offer a third way to faithfully engage in the work of God for the hurting people in your life.
How then do we love and serve our friends and family when they are hurting?
SEEK
First, we seek the God of all comfort. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 1: 3-5 that God not only comforts us but that he comforts us so that we may be a comfort to others. This means that we can run to God when we are going through seasons of suffering, knowing that he will give us the comfort and strength we need. We can depend on Him. We can then pray bold prayers for our friends that they would know God’s comfort, his peace (Phi 4:4-9), his surpassing love (Eph. 3:14-21), and his provision (Phi 4:10-20). The Lord can and will use you to be a source of comfort for others if you will seek him. Reach out to your suffering friend and let them know you are thinking of them and praying. Ask them for specific ways you can pray and for specific needs you can meet.
SERVE
Second, we serve sacrificially. Jesus modeled service for us in that being God, he came to serve not to be served (Mark 10:45). Paul in Philippians 2 commends the Philippian believers to count others as more significant than themselves and to look not only to their own interests but to the interest of others. Paul anchors this command on the example of Christ “who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”
Jesus calls us to serve a lost and hurting world, and he showed us how to do it when he gave up his life to rescue us from our sins. He calls us to die to ourselves, take up our cross and follow him. (Luke 9:23) When we seek to meet the needs of others first instead of being consumed by thoughts about our own needs, we are following His command.
In seasons of suffering, a warm meal, running errands, or babysitting children can be the sweet grace of God’s provision for our friend. In helping to meet the needs of a suffering member, the church incarnates the love of God for that individual.
SPEAK
Finally, we speak God’s truth to our dear friends. Some of us rush to do this step first and, in doing so, can say the right thing at the wrong time. James warns us that we ought to be quick to hear and slow to speak (James 1:19). But when the time comes to speak, we ought to proceed cautiously. Our friends may question the goodness of God, His sovereignty, his love, and his grace during suffering.
The Scriptures actually give us language to be able to use during suffering. The Psalms give us words that we can pray to God in our anguish. Psalms 10, 22, 25, 40, and 42 are some of the go-to Psalms that I pray for during seasons of suffering. One way we can speak truth to our friends is by taking them to these passages so they may see that God draws near when we are hurting. These Psalms show us that we can express how we feel to God. Our emotions do not threaten Him.
As we patiently love and serve our friend, we pray that God would give us the words to apply gospel truth to our friend’s suffering. Hebrews 4:14-16 tell us that because Jesus sympathizes with our weaknesses, that we can “with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Jesus suffered on our behalf and is intimately aware of the suffering of your friend. Season your words with grace, gentleness, and mercy as you seek to help your friend anchor themselves in God’s word.
A new normal
Many of us around the country are getting back to a type of normal we are familiar with. No masks, hugs, dinner with friends, and movies are all coming back into our lives. As we rejoice over these things, let us not forget our friends for whom life is everything but normal right now. Through God’s grace, let us rejoice with those who rejoice and grieve with those who are suffering, and may the Lord help us do so through the power of the Holy Spirit.